Seasons, Cycles and Changes

Ah, September Morn, to borrow a song title from Neil Diamond. September is a transition month. It's the month of my birth, so I will be another year older ... actually, on my birthday, I'll only be another day older! September signals a change of seasons as the days begin to shorten and it's the beginning of another school year. September is truly a significant month!

The school year finds kids going to school for the first time, others moving into a new grade level, teenagers heading off to new adventures as they begin high school or college, and adults going back to school after years away from the study process. Major transitions ... but life is a constant teacher, so school is always in session!

The season changes from the sunny days of summer to the crisper days of fall. Leaves turn colors and then drop from the trees. Some places experience a final heat wave as September tries to hold on stubbornly to the last of summer's warmth. Eventually the cycle prevails and we move into the next season. Life is like that as well.

Birthdays are markers that can excite us - think 21, discourage us - think 50+ or remind us that each new day is a gift to be opened, celebrated and enjoyed. A friend who shared September as his birth month recently passed away. As I celebrate my birthday this year, I remember 3 other September people who aren't here for this year's parties. I pause to remember and reflect ... and to give thanks for each of them. They touched my life and have left their mark.

Life is short. Life can be difficult. But life is a gift from the Giver of Life. Let's learn to celebrate the days whether they're long or short. Celebrate your family and friends ... and celebrate you! Birthday or not, today's your day!

Stepping Out

As I read from the words describing my blog ... thus far the Lord has helped us ... I should be very confident that He will continue leading me on down the path that is in front of me. But fears lurk behind every turn. What if, my brain screams. Not what if God isn't there, but what if I make a mistake? What if I disappoint others? What if my decisions don't work out the way I hoped? Well, what if?!

Looking back over my life with sharp eyes and clear understanding - it's what hindsight is all about! - I see that I did not arrive at my current place based on my own abilities to get things done. Sometimes, I feel like maybe it "just happened" to work out, but, I think things happen for a reason and a purpose. I believe there is a God and He has a plan and He has included me in it! Amazing!

So, as I stand here on the verge of yet another life transition, I need to open my hands, my heart and my head to let go of the old and embrace the new. I need to remember that I have not been given a spirit of fear; but of power (for my hands) love (for my heart) and a sound mind (for my head that screams what if )

My life is moving in a new direction and I'm setting out on a new path. I'm looking forward to the opportunities that lie just around the bend. And I'm looking forward with no fear -- just faith!

Confessions of a Control Freak

I've always prided myself on my flexibility and easy-going nature. I thought the Commodores were describing me when they sang, easy, like Sunday morning. However, when I find myself in a situation that I perceive needs a little adjusting, I quickly discover I'm not as easy-going as I'd like to think! Would you believe I want things my way?! Of course, it's only because I know my way is the best way!

Or is it because I'm afraid if things are not done my way then the outcome becomes unpredictable ... uncontrollable? I won't know what's happening and I won't be able to take care of it when it exceeds the limits of my knowledge or experience.

But what about allowing those who are familiar with the territory to do what they are trained to do? Hmm ... are they adequately trained ... fully experienced ... knowledgeable and able to handle any situation? You see, it's still fraught with the potential of being out of control.

When I'm away from the situations I have no choice but to let others do whatever they see fit; however, when I enter the situation myself, I want to give directions and orders on how it should be done. What to do? Do I stay away and let it be or do I stay involved and drive us all nuts?

There is a third alternative. I can learn to let go of the way it's been and allow the future to unfold, trusting God will keep everything under His control. My control issues are really about my fears. I'm afraid, if I let go, something "bad" may happen. I don't even know what it might be, but it lurks out there somewhere - just beyond my control.

Life is a never-ending teacher and there are always lessons to be learned. I hope I can learn them soon enough so that I can relax and enjoy the rest of my life before it's over.

Lessons Learned Along the Way

Well, Mom is settled in her new home and her transition is complete. I am still settling in with the lessons to be learned from the transition. It's always amazing how much hindsight I have! It must be a gift! :)

One of the concepts from Bill Bridges' work on transitions is that we must let go of the old life and fully take hold of the new before the transition is complete. The time of wandering in the neutral zone is the time of discovery - and of letting go - before we can enter the new beginning. Concepts are marvelous ideas both in their content and intent. Applying the knowledge acquired is an entirely different matter. I much prefer talking about what I've learned than actually putting it into practice. The integration of knowledge into the daily routine of life is quite challenging.

First I have to recognize the speed at which life changes. It is after all change that signals the beginning of transition. However, the change may happen and we may never make the transition because we did not recognize - or deliberately ignored? - the signals.

So, what have I learned? Well, for one, I've learned that I only think I'm in control here! And that may be a very good lesson to stop and apply before I quickly zip along to identify the next thing I think I've learned.

What are you learning? Are you applying it?

Marking the Anniversary

I started my blog on July 24, 2008 with a post titled "Beginning Markers." I began the blog as one of my goals during an Artist's Way workshop I attended last summer. Writing is my basic art form; happily, the workshop opened me up to a wide variety of artistic endeavors. However, writing is still where I return and feel the most comfortable.

In that first post I wrote, "learning to pause when the markers merit reflection helps us adjust to the changing landscape of our lives." One year later I am pausing to reflect, and working to adjust, to some recent changes.

I wrote about them in more detail and posted the story, only to discover a pop-up ad where previously there had been none AND it was connected exactly to the life change I wrote about.... hmmm ....

So now with no mention of the exact life change - and deleting the widget it seemed to be attached to - hopefully, the pop-up will go away. I do not want to mark this anniversary with a pop-up ad!! We shall see ....

Goal of Transition

With all the talk about transition, what exactly is the goal of transition? Well, I'm about to find out .. again. Changes happen - some necessary, some unexpected, some unwelcome. Something is ending - my mom's home care. Her needs, and finances, indicate it's time to move from her home to a small board and care facility. I've looked, and my daughter has researched, for over a year and I believe we've found the best place for her. They have Alzheimer's knowledge and experience. Their philosophical approach is just what I hoped for: engage the resident, help the resident, care for the resident. Thinking about the resident - what a concept! You'd be amazed at what I've seen in "care" facilities - residents plunked in front of the tv all day while the caregivers were in their room resting! At one facility I visited, the resident manager kept assuring me "they die happy here." I kept explaining my mother isn't dying. Hmm, but maybe she would be if left in their care.

And while all of this is great in my mind and on paper...how do I help my mother transition when she's unable to process change because of her disease? How will I process it for myself? My husband and I moved into this mobile home park 7 years ago to be near my parents because I knew the bulk of their care would fall to me. My plan was that after Mom and Dad passed away, my husband and I would move on. The first year we were here, Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The second year we were here, Dad had a terrible bout of pneumonia that left him weak and frail, requiring in-home care. Mom, because of the Alzheimers, kept firing the help. In the third year we were here, my husband became ill and then suffered a stroke. In the fourth year we were here, my dad died on Father's Day and 2 days later my husband died of cancer. So much for my plans .... years 5 through 7 have been spent grieving and healing. My Transition to Transformation workshop was born during this time.

I've heard that 8 is the number of new beginnings. As I enter my eighth year here, Mom will be moving to a new beginning of her own and I will adjust, adapt and process this transition. The goal of transition is growth and discovery ... and a new beginning. There is a sense I am standing on the threshold - neither in nor out at this point, but something new is coming. I feel it. I believe it. Next, to discover it!

Time

I've had time on my mind (not too much time on my hands though.) This week we talked about time in the wilderness as part of our Transitions workshop. As we move through the transitions in our lives, we often lament ... I just wish this were over and I could get on with my life. But the catch is, this is your life - at least it's part of your life. It's your life right now.

The wilderness is that middle part of transition after something has ended, but before something new is in place. What will it be like, we wonder. What's next for me? The questions dance in our heads. But there is a season of waiting. Hurry up, we cry. Others inquire of us, what's taking so long? The questions may go unanswered.

One participant in our workshop is in a double transition. She was laid-off from her job and her daughter is preparing to enter the Air Force Academy next month. However, the job loss has gifted her with time to be with her daughter these final weeks at home. A mixed blessing, as is often the case with transitions.

What is your relationship with time? Do you use it, waste it, make it, spend it? One realization I had during a wilderness experience was how unaware I can be of time. Until something disrupts our routines, we may not even be aware of how we use our time.

As part of an Artist's Way workshop I took, we participated in a week-long media deprivation with no tv, no radio, no music, no movies, no computer, no reading! Going into the week, I thought I'd go crazy. Coming out of it, I was amazed at how much I accomplished because I had all this extra time! But I was still only given 24 hours each day. What made the difference? My need to consciously choose what I was going to do instead of watch tv, listen to music or check my emails.

What is your awareness of time and are you consciously choosing how you use it? Maybe you need some time to think about your answers. Go ahead - take all the time you need.