2008 - Thanks for the Memories

As I look back over 2008 I'm grateful that:

Family and friends continue to support and encourage me as I move forward with my life.

I was introduced to Trickster, in the form of Coyote, through Native American stories. I find him wise and witty ... oh, and unpredictable and unmanageable and sometimes disruptive, but the laughter he brings brightens the darkest day.

My grief is healed. It was the three-part metaphor of the time change (dark to light), spring (new life) and Easter (resurrection power) that brought completion to the grief process. Do I still think of those I lost? Absolutely! Do I miss their presence in my life? Of course! Can I go on and make a new life? Yes, now I can.

I discovered Julia Cameron and her books on creativity. I found The Artist's Way workshop -- and did it! For me, it was a giant leap of faith. I followed on with the Vein of Gold, continuing to prod the dreamer into action. I accomplished my goals of beginning a blog and starting a Transitions to Transformation workshop focusing on the process of transition after change has interrupted your life.

I've had the privilege of meeting the French philosopher Gabriel Marcel (1889-1973) through the writing of a friend. I'm learning to breathe with the rhythm of life and to explore the "mystery of being."

I found out my heart is ok by taking a 9-1-1 e-ticket ride to the hospital. Seems I have high blood pressure. I can work with that... diet and exercise! Ok, so those are not my two favorite words, but I can gain appreciation for what they represent.

And so begins my list of things I'm grateful for in 2008.

Ending or Beginning?

We're coming up on the end of the year, which marks the beginning of a new year. The end and the beginning. Many times we're confused by their position in our lives. The end marks the beginning. I recently came across a quote by T.S. Eliot which says, What we call the beginning is often the end and to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

Often the end of something brings us to a place of despair where we think that nothing will ever be right or happen again. Yes, the end can be traumatic, as when I lost my father and then two days later my husband died. I did think it was over ... but I knew somewhere inside me that it also signalled a new beginning. At the time, I couldn't imagine what that might look like, nevertheless, I knew I had to go on and make a new life. Don't get me wrong. We don't just hop up and take off on a new adventure after having severe loss hit our lives. It has taken time to make the transition from grieving through healing into living again.

Each journey is unique, but we also have points in common. It's the common denominators that link us to one another. I may not have experienced your exact loss, but I know the pain of loss. I may not be moving in the direction your life is taking you, but I know the joy of new beginnings. It's at the point of connection where I believe we can learn from one another, cheer one another and share our moments together.

Life is a winding path that takes us places many of us never thought or planned to go. But as we follow the circuitous route our life takes, we will find many interesting people and places along the way. Some are meant for the moment, others may become an ongoing part of our lives. Let's keep our eyes open and value, cherish and treasure the moments, for in them, we may find our future staring back at us.

Why Blog?

As I ask myself this question, these answers pop out -- it's for growth, for the challenge, for the practice, for the accomplishment. Now what does that all mean to me?

Growth -- writing growth, expression growth, being able to both identify and articulate my thoughts, ideas and beliefs. There's a lot of room for growth here!

The challenge -- the challenge to both come up with writings and to commit to doing them is big for me. I have a tendency to give up at the slightest blow to my ideas. I'm accepting the challenge this blog represents and will commit to write on a regular basis.

The practice -- everyone knows practice makes perfect ... well, maybe not perfect, but practice definitely helps you get better at whatever skill you are endeavoring to develop. Swing, batter! Write, writer!

The accomplishment -- what a charge we get when we complete a goal we set before ourselves. Just getting the blog up was huge for me. Those first posts were exhilarating . I want to continue that sense of accomplishment as well as accomplish what I set out to do.

And so, for now, I blog.

Mentors, Magic and Me

While many take advantage of a mentoring relationship to find motivation, encouragement and inspiration, I find what I want most is magic to happen. Just being close to those who are accomplishing all I desire will somehow provide magical transference of power. Unfortunately, I have discovered that's not how it works. Too bad. I think there's real potential there ... at least for those of us not energized or motivated enough to do the hard work necessary to accomplish what we claim we want.

I remember my 9th grade Latin teacher explaining to me that if I worked as diligently on my Latin as I did on reasons why I didn't do my Latin, I could have an A in Latin. Ah, but an A in Latin was not my goal. My true plan was to do as little as possible in Latin and still get by with a passing grade. Is D passing? What does a 14 year old know about the need for Latin, not as an academic acheivement, but as a model of committing to the process required to accomplish a goal? Not enough!

How do we learn to take responsibility for the abilities given us, the tasks required of us or the just plain "stuff" of life that depends on our giving our best effort to complete? Several times while watching tennis, I've heard commentators remark that "it's so disappointing to see such a gifted player not performing at their best because they lack the discipline necessary to do so." Ouch. I resemble that remark and their words sting.

How do we get off the path of least resistance? My guess would be that we must intentionally step onto the road less travelled. We must be the one who takes no shortcuts, climbs steadily ahead and does not pull off to park. This requires diligence, discipline and dogged determination to stay focused and attentive. Fortunately, we can learn new tricks. It's never too late to change direction - and attitude - allowing our mentors to provide the advice and encouragement needed to help us attain our desired goals!

Without a Vision

Without a vision, the people perish. There is also a great tendency to cast off restraint. Well, why not? Everything is going down the tubes anyway. What do you see ahead of you? Trouble, depression, economic downturn, gloom and doom? You're not alone. And even if you do see possibilities ahead of you, you're in the minority. The positive report is often not well received. The one holding out the potential of a good outcome is dismissed as a pollyanna type with a diminished capacity of understanding exactly what's happening and why it won't work out as hoped!

It's hard to keep your head, when all around are losing theirs. It's challenging to hold a positive vision for the future in the face of constant negativity. Where does the strength come from? There must be an internal compass, a guidance system, that keeps us centered and focused. I believe it is faith. Faith in a power greater than ourselves.

I have been without a vision and did cast off all restraint, resulting in a pit of drugs, depression and despair. But at the end of my rope, when the blackness surrounded me and I realized I was absolutely powerless to sustain myself, I discovered there is a God who loves me and gave Himself for me. What an amazing love story. He pulled me out of the pit and set my feet on solid ground. If not for Him, I would be dead. Instead I'm alive and thriving. He's brought me through the valley of the shadow of death and has held open a door to my future. There's hope for me yet!

To the natural eye, there is much to be concerned about; but to the eye of faith, there is always possibility and potential ahead of us. I have been without a vision. I choose now to keep the faith.

Seasonal Changes

This weekend we move back to standard time. I'm a sunshine person and the signal of the autumn and winter seasons approaching gives me pause. I don't like dark and cold. It's said the days are shorter ... but they still contain 24 hours. Carl Jung's quote that "there are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course" reminds me that it all balances out eventually. I have days of opportunity in front of me. Daylight is gone sooner, but I continue with the same number of hours available and I live in the electricity age, so while it's dark outside, inside glows with the warmth and light of modern conveniences.

Not liking something doesn't mean I can't value and learn from it. We will have days with more darkness than light, but the seasons swing back and the light returns. Now, as twilight's shadows cover the outdoors, I'm not going to allow the shadows to fall across my mind and stall my attempts at writing, creating and otherwise taking full advantage of the time available. If I understand that the early darkness can generate a "downer" mood, then I know I can choose my response to it.

Shadows fall across our lives in many ways. The shadows of loss, shadows of conflict, shadows of financial crisis all work to darken our view of life. We take on the negative messages and lose sight of the possibilities that are available. I spoke with someone in the banking industry and he recently changed jobs, but still in banking and with a significantly higher salary.

Possibilities exist! Can you see them? Don't let the shadows separate you from the light of your dreams. Keep walking and you will come through the valley of shadows and step out into the light of promise.

Birthday Markers

I recently heard a new friend saying that she plans her birthday celebrations far in advance. I was impressed! I often try to ignore mine. We've been conditioned by our culture to avoid aging at all costs. No lines, no wrinkles ... no candles on the birthday cake. While I can appreciate youth's opportunities and the years that stretch before them, I have come to recognize the richness of my own experiences ... although I can feel umbrage rise up when I'm called old!

Our family recently celebrated several birthdays and only one was called significant. Hmm, I wonder that every birthday isn't to be honored as significant. My mother turned 82, quite a milestone. A niece celebrated her 38th, unique in its own way. (I remember my own 38th birthday and smile) However, her father turned the Big 6-O. Those decade markers have taken on a life of their own. The question comes to mind - does how we live the 1-9 years create a more significant zero year? I think so.

I have a birthday coming up. It's not significant as defined by a zero on the end, but it is becoming more significant to me as I understand the value of a life well lived. My husband shared the same birth month as mine. As I think of him, I'm reminded of the examples he set, the character that defined him, and the life lessons he taught me.

As I prepare to celebrate my birthday this year I, too, want to plan ahead. I want to be well thought of after I'm gone. My actions today are creating those memories ... as well as preparing for the next Big-O birthday! This year is a little 3, but it's significant and I plan to treat it with the respect, appreciation and celebration I deserve!

Birthday blessings to all ... whenever it may be.