Markers Along the Way

Fear of Change

2010-09-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

It's been over a year since I've written on my blog. I'm not really sure why. I just stopped writing. Blocked? Confused? Empty? Life keeps changing.

Change can be a misunderstood element of life. We often think of change as threatening, not promising. We fear change because we think it will disrupt our lives, leaving us unsettled and insecure. And many times that's exactly what happens. But is change the culprit?

What else could it be? Sometimes it's choice. We come to a crossroads and have to choose the next direction our lives will take. It may be choosing where to go to school, where to live or which job to take. It may be as simple as choosing to write a short piece, pick up the camera or just step outside. Choice becomes change.

Maybe circumstances have enveloped you. You've received a diagnosis, a pink slip, a foreclosure notice. Possibly friends or family have moved away or your support system is unavailable. Maybe you have no recourse in the matter. Your life seems out of control. Circumstances become change.

Whether by choice or by circumstance, life changes. We know it's true, but what makes us pull back from it? What is it we really fear? Is it the unknown that frightens us the most? The what ifs that taunt us? Maybe it's the work required to get us from one place to the next.

It's been said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. While that may be true, possibly the changes that happen may be something to fear as well. However, as with all fears, if we can press on through the changes we are facing, we may discover a whole new area of life that is exciting, rewarding and worth the price we pay to overcome them!

So, what's changing for you?

Seasons, Cycles and Changes

2009-09-02T07:02:00.001-07:00

Ah, September Morn, to borrow a song title from Neil Diamond. September is a transition month. It's the month of my birth, so I will be another year older ... actually, on my birthday, I'll only be another day older! September signals a change of seasons as the days begin to shorten and it's the beginning of another school year. September is truly a significant month!

The school year finds kids going to school for the first time, others moving into a new grade level, teenagers heading off to new adventures as they begin high school or college, and adults going back to school after years away from the study process. Major transitions ... but life is a constant teacher, so school is always in session!

The season changes from the sunny days of summer to the crisper days of fall. Leaves turn colors and then drop from the trees. Some places experience a final heat wave as September tries to hold on stubbornly to the last of summer's warmth. Eventually the cycle prevails and we move into the next season. Life is like that as well.

Birthdays are markers that can excite us - think 21, discourage us - think 50+ or remind us that each new day is a gift to be opened, celebrated and enjoyed. A friend who shared September as his birth month recently passed away. As I celebrate my birthday this year, I remember 3 other September people who aren't here for this year's parties. I pause to remember and reflect ... and to give thanks for each of them. They touched my life and have left their mark.

Life is short. Life can be difficult. But life is a gift from the Giver of Life. Let's learn to celebrate the days whether they're long or short. Celebrate your family and friends ... and celebrate you! Birthday or not, today's your day!

Stepping Out

2009-08-24T10:31:00.001-07:00

As I read from the words describing my blog ... thus far the Lord has helped us ... I should be very confident that He will continue leading me on down the path that is in front of me. But fears lurk behind every turn. What if, my brain screams. Not what if God isn't there, but what if I make a mistake? What if I disappoint others? What if my decisions don't work out the way I hoped? Well, what if?!

Looking back over my life with sharp eyes and clear understanding - it's what hindsight is all about! - I see that I did not arrive at my current place based on my own abilities to get things done. Sometimes, I feel like maybe it "just happened" to work out, but, I think things happen for a reason and a purpose. I believe there is a God and He has a plan and He has included me in it! Amazing!

So, as I stand here on the verge of yet another life transition, I need to open my hands, my heart and my head to let go of the old and embrace the new. I need to remember that I have not been given a spirit of fear; but of power (for my hands) love (for my heart) and a sound mind (for my head that screams what if )

My life is moving in a new direction and I'm setting out on a new path. I'm looking forward to the opportunities that lie just around the bend. And I'm looking forward with no fear -- just faith!

Confessions of a Control Freak

2009-08-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

I've always prided myself on my flexibility and easy-going nature. I thought the Commodores were describing me when they sang, easy, like Sunday morning. However, when I find myself in a situation that I perceive needs a little adjusting, I quickly discover I'm not as easy-going as I'd like to think! Would you believe I want things my way?! Of course, it's only because I know my way is the best way!

Or is it because I'm afraid if things are not done my way then the outcome becomes unpredictable ... uncontrollable? I won't know what's happening and I won't be able to take care of it when it exceeds the limits of my knowledge or experience.

But what about allowing those who are familiar with the territory to do what they are trained to do? Hmm ... are they adequately trained ... fully experienced ... knowledgeable and able to handle any situation? You see, it's still fraught with the potential of being out of control.

When I'm away from the situations I have no choice but to let others do whatever they see fit; however, when I enter the situation myself, I want to give directions and orders on how it should be done. What to do? Do I stay away and let it be or do I stay involved and drive us all nuts?

There is a third alternative. I can learn to let go of the way it's been and allow the future to unfold, trusting God will keep everything under His control. My control issues are really about my fears. I'm afraid, if I let go, something "bad" may happen. I don't even know what it might be, but it lurks out there somewhere - just beyond my control.

Life is a never-ending teacher and there are always lessons to be learned. I hope I can learn them soon enough so that I can relax and enjoy the rest of my life before it's over.

Lessons Learned Along the Way

2009-08-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well, Mom is settled in her new home and her transition is complete. I am still settling in with the lessons to be learned from the transition. It's always amazing how much hindsight I have! It must be a gift! :)

One of the concepts from Bill Bridges' work on transitions is that we must let go of the old life and fully take hold of the new before the transition is complete. The time of wandering in the neutral zone is the time of discovery - and of letting go - before we can enter the new beginning. Concepts are marvelous ideas both in their content and intent. Applying the knowledge acquired is an entirely different matter. I much prefer talking about what I've learned than actually putting it into practice. The integration of knowledge into the daily routine of life is quite challenging.

First I have to recognize the speed at which life changes. It is after all change that signals the beginning of transition. However, the change may happen and we may never make the transition because we did not recognize - or deliberately ignored? - the signals.

So, what have I learned? Well, for one, I've learned that I only think I'm in control here! And that may be a very good lesson to stop and apply before I quickly zip along to identify the next thing I think I've learned.

What are you learning? Are you applying it?

Marking the Anniversary

2009-07-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

I started my blog on July 24, 2008 with a post titled "Beginning Markers." I began the blog as one of my goals during an Artist's Way workshop I attended last summer. Writing is my basic art form; happily, the workshop opened me up to a wide variety of artistic endeavors. However, writing is still where I return and feel the most comfortable.

In that first post I wrote, "learning to pause when the markers merit reflection helps us adjust to the changing landscape of our lives." One year later I am pausing to reflect, and working to adjust, to some recent changes.

I wrote about them in more detail and posted the story, only to discover a pop-up ad where previously there had been none AND it was connected exactly to the life change I wrote about.... hmmm ....

So now with no mention of the exact life change - and deleting the widget it seemed to be attached to - hopefully, the pop-up will go away. I do not want to mark this anniversary with a pop-up ad!! We shall see ....

Goal of Transition

2009-06-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

With all the talk about transition, what exactly is the goal of transition? Well, I'm about to find out .. again. Changes happen - some necessary, some unexpected, some unwelcome. Something is ending - my mom's home care. Her needs, and finances, indicate it's time to move from her home to a small board and care facility. I've looked, and my daughter has researched, for over a year and I believe we've found the best place for her. They have Alzheimer's knowledge and experience. Their philosophical approach is just what I hoped for: engage the resident, help the resident, care for the resident. Thinking about the resident - what a concept! You'd be amazed at what I've seen in "care" facilities - residents plunked in front of the tv all day while the caregivers were in their room resting! At one facility I visited, the resident manager kept assuring me "they die happy here." I kept explaining my mother isn't dying. Hmm, but maybe she would be if left in their care.

And while all of this is great in my mind and on paper...how do I help my mother transition when she's unable to process change because of her disease? How will I process it for myself? My husband and I moved into this mobile home park 7 years ago to be near my parents because I knew the bulk of their care would fall to me. My plan was that after Mom and Dad passed away, my husband and I would move on. The first year we were here, Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The second year we were here, Dad had a terrible bout of pneumonia that left him weak and frail, requiring in-home care. Mom, because of the Alzheimers, kept firing the help. In the third year we were here, my husband became ill and then suffered a stroke. In the fourth year we were here, my dad died on Father's Day and 2 days later my husband died of cancer. So much for my plans .... years 5 through 7 have been spent grieving and healing. My Transition to Transformation workshop was born during this time.

I've heard that 8 is the number of new beginnings. As I enter my eighth year here, Mom will be moving to a new beginning of her own and I will adjust, adapt and process this transition. The goal of transition is growth and discovery ... and a new beginning. There is a sense I am standing on the threshold - neither in nor out at this point, but something new is coming. I feel it. I believe it. Next, to discover it!

Time

2009-05-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

I've had time on my mind (not too much time on my hands though.) This week we talked about time in the wilderness as part of our Transitions workshop. As we move through the transitions in our lives, we often lament ... I just wish this were over and I could get on with my life. But the catch is, this is your life - at least it's part of your life. It's your life right now.

The wilderness is that middle part of transition after something has ended, but before something new is in place. What will it be like, we wonder. What's next for me? The questions dance in our heads. But there is a season of waiting. Hurry up, we cry. Others inquire of us, what's taking so long? The questions may go unanswered.

One participant in our workshop is in a double transition. She was laid-off from her job and her daughter is preparing to enter the Air Force Academy next month. However, the job loss has gifted her with time to be with her daughter these final weeks at home. A mixed blessing, as is often the case with transitions.

What is your relationship with time? Do you use it, waste it, make it, spend it? One realization I had during a wilderness experience was how unaware I can be of time. Until something disrupts our routines, we may not even be aware of how we use our time.

As part of an Artist's Way workshop I took, we participated in a week-long media deprivation with no tv, no radio, no music, no movies, no computer, no reading! Going into the week, I thought I'd go crazy. Coming out of it, I was amazed at how much I accomplished because I had all this extra time! But I was still only given 24 hours each day. What made the difference? My need to consciously choose what I was going to do instead of watch tv, listen to music or check my emails.

What is your awareness of time and are you consciously choosing how you use it? Maybe you need some time to think about your answers. Go ahead - take all the time you need.

Letting Go

2009-05-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's not the new beginning that frightens us as much as the process needed to embrace it. The 3 step process of change begins with the end and ends with the beginning; but, oh, that anxiety-producing middle step of not knowing the what or when creates tension.

We're waiting in the place with names like, the wilderness, void, middle-muddle, even neutral zone, and that doesn't sound like a place we want to be. We prefer to go directly to the next chapter of life. We don't understand why we need to spend time - and time is the issue - in a state of uncertainty. Why can't I just move on?

One reason we can't "just move on" is because often we want to do it without acknowledging what's been left behind. Change begins with the end of something. When we don't identify our old reality, our old identity, we take remnants of it with us. When the Israelites came out of Egypt, they couldn't let go of their identification with Egypt. When they felt challenged by the trek through the wilderness, they kept wanting to return to Egypt and were never able to make it to the Promised Land.

Just as with the birth experience - we can't go back to the womb - so too with transition. We can't go back to the old experience. We must move forward. We must let go of our affiliations with the past, shake off old patterns and routines and prepare for our next experience.

This "letting go" tends to disrupt our idea of new beginnings. We want the new without the work of releasing the old. But it is from the loss of what was that we gain perspective and understanding to move forward into what's next.

Where are you in the change process - letting go, exploring the uncertainty or moving ahead? Wherever you are, there is a path set before you. Take it ... it leads to the adventure called life!

Changes

2009-05-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Life changes, but do we? We try to adapt and adjust, but often it's a facade because we can't, or won't, allow ourselves to embrace the new direction life is taking us. Why is that? Why can't we let go of the old ways that have ended and give ourselves over to a new beginning?

As I came back to my blog page after a 2 month hiatus I thought, it's time for a change. Change isn't easy ... especially with my lack of tech skills. But hey, it's not the same old circles! Changes, new beginnings, do-overs - it's often what we say we want. Let's try it for awhile and see how it fits. Some changes aren't meant to be permanent.

Job loss

2009-03-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

In the midst of a transition workshop, change happens. While we're here talking about one thing, one of the participants has just received notice that she will be laid off at the end of May. Job loss is becoming one of the most consistent changes right now. Every day the headlines report more businesses downsizing or closing and more jobs being outsourced - right out of the country! Unemployment is at a record high. With those kinds of statistics staring you in the face, how can you ever hope to find another job? And therein might be the key .... are you looking for a job or for work? There's a difference.

You have skills and knowledge and talent that are useful to others. How can you put them to work to benefit both yourself and those who need your services? In our current Transitions group there is another woman who lost her job due to injury. She is physically unable to get a job, but has found work in her own neighborhood - taking care of a special needs child, assisting an aging neighbor and running errands. Running errands is a vital necessity for many people. I work full time. Saturday mornings are spent running all over town picking up what's needed for both my house and my mother's supplies. I also need to investigate alternative solutions for Mom's ongoing dementia care. This is work that needs to be done. My daughter, who lives 400 miles away, is able to help explore various health care options in my area. She's doing the work of initial contact and research.

We confuse getting a job with finding work. I have a friend who lost his job over a year and a half ago. He has the gift mix and skill set to help people through difficult and painful situations and had been using those talents in an organizational environment. After losing his job, he began writing and now has three books in development - one of which is in the final process before being published! He also opened his own coaching/counseling service. He no longer has a "job," but rather has discovered a new expression of his life's work.

We each have something unique to offer that someone else needs. Are you familiar enough with your own special qualities that could be put to work assisting others? My Transition to Transformation workshop is based on the work of William Bridges, who has written books covering both personal and corporate transitions for over thirty years. One of his books is titled, Creating You & Co and is aimed at helping people discover how to find work that brings both satisfaction and support without being limited to a traditional "job." Its first printing was in 1997 when jobs were more plentiful. This book could now become the handbook for those making the transition from job market to work environment.

I recommend the book to any who might be in the discovery process of what I want to do with the rest of my life. To my grandchildren on the brink of adulthood, begin now to discover what qualities, desires and assets you possess that can be developed to become your life's work. To those who've recently lost jobs, first, take a breath. Okay? Next begin to take inventory of the skill set you've developed during your years on the job. How can those abilities be merged, along with your temperament and natural giftings, into a new career?

Did I say career? Yes, I did. Congratulations! You have just been promoted to CEO of You & Co and I have every confidence you will discover a great future ahead of you. God has created and designed us with resilience in our core. As we learn to grieve the loss of what was, come to terms with the empty place we're in and move confidently - one small step at a time - in the direction of our future, we just might find the life we've been hoping for. And to think it came wearing the disguise of "job loss."

Gain out of loss - a faithful promise from the wilderness of transition.

The Wilderness

2009-03-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

Change happens so fast. One minute everything is as we expect and the next minute finds us in absolute turmoil as our lives spin out of control. What happened?

Whether it's an accident, a diagnosis, a sudden death, a pink-slip or any number of other assaults on our psyches, we find ourselves totally unprepared for what's taking place. What do we do? I have a friend who says, "first you breathe." I think first you cry, but I've been told you have to breathe to cry. Ok, I'm not one to quibble. Crying, breathing ... it's all happening so fast.

I facilitate a Transitions workshop that has grown out of my own unexpected change and the lessons learned in the wilderness. What I call the wilderness others call the neutral zone, the void, the middle-muddle. So many names for the empty place between what was and what is yet to be.

Meeting those who've chosen to participate in my workshop, I'm impressed with their courage, wisdom and humor as they both face what they are going through and are willing to share their journey with others. I'm reminded of an Albert Schweitzer quote, impart as much as you can of your spiritual being to those who are on the road with you, and accept as something precious what comes back to you from them.

While I think it's me offering hope and help to others navigating the wilderness, what they give in return is incomparable and truly precious. I marvel as I watch the human spirit rise to meet the challenges life holds and come through with faith intact, hope renewed and love deepened.

Being in the wilderness can be a lonely, confusing time. There are lessons to be learned, but often we just want out. Many times it seems like the path we're following only goes in circles. However, if we will surrender to the process, the pathway will bring us to our destination.

It's been said that change is the only constant. I believe this is true, but I've also learned change is not the enemy. Change happens on the outside, transition happens inside. The metamorphosis of caterpillar to butterfly happens inside the cocoon. When change brings us to the wilderness, there is opportunity for transformation as we dig deeper to find the hidden gifts, dreams and talents buried in us. We will emerge stronger than we believe ourselves capable of being. Change can be a good thing. We just need some time in the wilderness to discover its potential.

Putting Off Until Tomorrow

2009-03-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

I was reading a post on another blog - bloggers are so great! - and the line worth the price of admission was to "keep your bucket list short and your fences mended and never put off 'til tomorrow what is truly important to you." I have a tendency to put things off because I think there'll be time for that later. Only sometimes there is NOT time for that later. Later never gets a chance because some things will end today.

Many times it's not that I decided to put things off until tomorrow, but just didn't have - or make - time to include them today. Time flies. Tired cliche' I know, but often true. And suddenly there's tomorrow looming with both its own tasks and good intentions left from today. Even blogging finds a stack of incomplete posts. 11 out of 30 remain unposted. But my writing sometimes take a different turn from where I started and I'm not ready to put that much of myself out there. So my list of blogs grows, but my published ones continue to lag behind. And that's ok. They're teaching me things I need to know.

Going back to the original line that caught my attention, I want to make a bucket list and actually do the things I put on it! For those who understand the term, #1 on my list is my Artist Date. What a concept. Take myself out! If I can't do that how will I ever do anything more adventurous? Now I need someone to hold me accountable - one Artist Date by the 15th ... or at least by the 30th ... hmm, April might be better ....

Home Improvement

2009-02-17T12:59:00.000-08:00

Ok ... I've been out for awhile doing some minor adjustments to my living room. I painted the walls a delightful shade of blue, replaced the 20 year old furniture and added an HDTV. I've done what I can to stimulate the economy as well as give my place a new look!

When I shop for furniture, I'm looking first for comfort. Like Goldilocks, I want it to be just right - not too soft, not too firm. When I was in the showroom, the sofa felt just right. However, when it arrived and I sat on it at home, I couldn't get comfortable. I had a moment of panic when I thought of what I had paid for something I couldn't sit on! As I continued looking for ways to sit comfortably on my new sofa, I remembered that I had been sitting on my old sofa for over twenty years! I definitely had a well-worn groove that fit me perfectly - or so I thought.

Because the new sofa is now the only sofa, I have to find ways to adjust. I've plumped the pillows, snuggled in the corners, bounced in the middle and generally been working to make the new feel like the old. Ah, but it's not the old! I got rid of the old because it was no longer working for me. The well-worn groove was creating its own discomfort. And we all know where this is going, don't we?

How many of our old ways are no longer working for us? The familiar patterns and comfortable routines no longer bring the desired results. And yet, it's hard to let go of the way we've always done it. As I learn to settle into the new sofa, I'm finding a new experience of being comfortable. It's not like the old. It has its own feel and you know what? I'm liking it!

Community of Change

2009-01-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

I entered the wilderness of transition without a clue, but with a life coach who had both knowledge and understanding of the process. Transitions are challenging times in our lives when, whether by choice or by chance, we enter a period of bewilderment waiting for a new beginning to take shape in our lives. We know for certain that it can no longer be the way it was. A chapter has closed, or is very near the end, and we have nothing in our sights to instill the confidence necessary that we will ever have anything again. We wander, we circle, we wait. What's happening? Nothing!

What can happen in our wildernesses, if we allow it, is community. Whether we quote the bible that it's not good to be alone or Barbra Striesand that people needing people are the luckiest people in the world, it's true. We need one another to make it through the night, the day and the wilderness.

When I look at those I've met in the process of building a new life, I realize how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who care, encourage, challenge and support me. I have friends, tried and true, who've been part of my life for many years. I've also made new friends from the liminal groups in which I've participated. With each there is a sense of destiny as we come together and connect, at least for a season.

And now I'm discovering the blog community. What wonderful, creative, inspiring people inhabit the world of the blogs I've visited. What encourages me is the sense of connection and community I feel when I meet new people, whether online or in person. Left to the "news" accounts, the world is a scary, hostile place to be. But the people I'm seeing are caring and encouraging, reminding me that life really is about the people we allow into our lives to share the moments, whether briefly or for years to come. The scary places lose their power when we are surrounded by friends.

Hello, friends! I'm so glad to meet you.

Soar

2009-01-11T23:46:00.000-08:00

My word for 2009 is Soar. I found this great picture (posted below because I didn't know how to include it here) It was taken in Maine where I spent my childhood, but I know Old Orchard Beach, so it has memory as well as direction. However, I have no idea what I'm doing when I try to add various items to my blog, so I have this large picture and no way to control it ... Ok, that sounds like my life! I often see the big picture - my dreams - but then I don't know what to do to achieve them or even what steps to take to get started. And so like this picture, they speak to my heart and beckon me, but I just talk about it and seldom actually accomplish what I say I want to do. Step one is learning more about the "gadgets" I try to post. There are many lessons to be learned here.

For now, I think I'll just soar without obligation and check out the sights; but keep my eyes open for the next step. I know it's out there. And I do have a bird's eye view!

2009-01-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

Blogging Without Obligation

2009-01-08T11:35:00.000-08:00

Did you notice the logo on the left - Blogging Without Obligation? What a concept! I came across a comment in another blog relating to this and it really does set the captives free! The author created the logo (and allows anyone to use it) after noticing how often bloggers apologize for not having blogged recently or consistently. The pressure to perform only makes us slaves to our blogs, not writers looking for avenues of joyful expression. If all I think about is what to say or how long since I've said anything, suddenly I find I have nothing to say!

Ah, the exhilaration of freedom...a highly prized value. As I said earlier, blogging is giving me a chance to grow and learn and develop my writing skills. If I have to worry about how fast, how soon or how well I'm doing it, then I've defeated my primary purpose. I appreciate the release that blogging without obligation brings. And I extend it to you as well, dear reader. Come and go at your leisure. Enjoy the moment and live the mystery -- did she blog today?

No Resolutions

2009-01-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

It's not my intention to begin the new year with a list of "shoulds!" I found this quote from American journalist, Ellen Goodman - We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.

This year holds potential and possibility and I desire to take advantage of their opportunities. Potential may not always look neat, tidy and practical. I want to discover the passionate potential that exists in me. Two quotes from Soren Kirkegaard resonate:

If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of potential - for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints; possibility never.

It is very dangerous to go into eternity with possibilities which one has oneself prevented from becoming realities. A possibility is a hint from God. One must follow it.

My intention for the year is to take a hint from God and follow it. Care to join me?

2008 - Thanks for the Memories

2008-12-26T20:36:00.001-08:00

As I look back over 2008 I'm grateful that:

Family and friends continue to support and encourage me as I move forward with my life.

I was introduced to Trickster, in the form of Coyote, through Native American stories. I find him wise and witty ... oh, and unpredictable and unmanageable and sometimes disruptive, but the laughter he brings brightens the darkest day.

My grief is healed. It was the three-part metaphor of the time change (dark to light), spring (new life) and Easter (resurrection power) that brought completion to the grief process. Do I still think of those I lost? Absolutely! Do I miss their presence in my life? Of course! Can I go on and make a new life? Yes, now I can.

I discovered Julia Cameron and her books on creativity. I found The Artist's Way workshop -- and did it! For me, it was a giant leap of faith. I followed on with the Vein of Gold, continuing to prod the dreamer into action. I accomplished my goals of beginning a blog and starting a Transitions to Transformation workshop focusing on the process of transition after change has interrupted your life.

I've had the privilege of meeting the French philosopher Gabriel Marcel (1889-1973) through the writing of a friend. I'm learning to breathe with the rhythm of life and to explore the "mystery of being."

I found out my heart is ok by taking a 9-1-1 e-ticket ride to the hospital. Seems I have high blood pressure. I can work with that... diet and exercise! Ok, so those are not my two favorite words, but I can gain appreciation for what they represent.

And so begins my list of things I'm grateful for in 2008.

Ending or Beginning?

2008-12-19T10:27:00.000-08:00

We're coming up on the end of the year, which marks the beginning of a new year. The end and the beginning. Many times we're confused by their position in our lives. The end marks the beginning. I recently came across a quote by T.S. Eliot which says, What we call the beginning is often the end and to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

Often the end of something brings us to a place of despair where we think that nothing will ever be right or happen again. Yes, the end can be traumatic, as when I lost my father and then two days later my husband died. I did think it was over ... but I knew somewhere inside me that it also signalled a new beginning. At the time, I couldn't imagine what that might look like, nevertheless, I knew I had to go on and make a new life. Don't get me wrong. We don't just hop up and take off on a new adventure after having severe loss hit our lives. It has taken time to make the transition from grieving through healing into living again.

Each journey is unique, but we also have points in common. It's the common denominators that link us to one another. I may not have experienced your exact loss, but I know the pain of loss. I may not be moving in the direction your life is taking you, but I know the joy of new beginnings. It's at the point of connection where I believe we can learn from one another, cheer one another and share our moments together.

Life is a winding path that takes us places many of us never thought or planned to go. But as we follow the circuitous route our life takes, we will find many interesting people and places along the way. Some are meant for the moment, others may become an ongoing part of our lives. Let's keep our eyes open and value, cherish and treasure the moments, for in them, we may find our future staring back at us.

Why Blog?

2008-12-16T12:45:00.000-08:00

As I ask myself this question, these answers pop out -- it's for growth, for the challenge, for the practice, for the accomplishment. Now what does that all mean to me?

Growth -- writing growth, expression growth, being able to both identify and articulate my thoughts, ideas and beliefs. There's a lot of room for growth here!

The challenge -- the challenge to both come up with writings and to commit to doing them is big for me. I have a tendency to give up at the slightest blow to my ideas. I'm accepting the challenge this blog represents and will commit to write on a regular basis.

The practice -- everyone knows practice makes perfect ... well, maybe not perfect, but practice definitely helps you get better at whatever skill you are endeavoring to develop. Swing, batter! Write, writer!

The accomplishment -- what a charge we get when we complete a goal we set before ourselves. Just getting the blog up was huge for me. Those first posts were exhilarating . I want to continue that sense of accomplishment as well as accomplish what I set out to do.

And so, for now, I blog.

Mentors, Magic and Me

2008-12-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

While many take advantage of a mentoring relationship to find motivation, encouragement and inspiration, I find what I want most is magic to happen. Just being close to those who are accomplishing all I desire will somehow provide magical transference of power. Unfortunately, I have discovered that's not how it works. Too bad. I think there's real potential there ... at least for those of us not energized or motivated enough to do the hard work necessary to accomplish what we claim we want.

I remember my 9th grade Latin teacher explaining to me that if I worked as diligently on my Latin as I did on reasons why I didn't do my Latin, I could have an A in Latin. Ah, but an A in Latin was not my goal. My true plan was to do as little as possible in Latin and still get by with a passing grade. Is D passing? What does a 14 year old know about the need for Latin, not as an academic acheivement, but as a model of committing to the process required to accomplish a goal? Not enough!

How do we learn to take responsibility for the abilities given us, the tasks required of us or the just plain "stuff" of life that depends on our giving our best effort to complete? Several times while watching tennis, I've heard commentators remark that "it's so disappointing to see such a gifted player not performing at their best because they lack the discipline necessary to do so." Ouch. I resemble that remark and their words sting.

How do we get off the path of least resistance? My guess would be that we must intentionally step onto the road less travelled. We must be the one who takes no shortcuts, climbs steadily ahead and does not pull off to park. This requires diligence, discipline and dogged determination to stay focused and attentive. Fortunately, we can learn new tricks. It's never too late to change direction - and attitude - allowing our mentors to provide the advice and encouragement needed to help us attain our desired goals!

Without a Vision

2008-12-11T07:46:00.000-08:00

Without a vision, the people perish. There is also a great tendency to cast off restraint. Well, why not? Everything is going down the tubes anyway. What do you see ahead of you? Trouble, depression, economic downturn, gloom and doom? You're not alone. And even if you do see possibilities ahead of you, you're in the minority. The positive report is often not well received. The one holding out the potential of a good outcome is dismissed as a pollyanna type with a diminished capacity of understanding exactly what's happening and why it won't work out as hoped!

It's hard to keep your head, when all around are losing theirs. It's challenging to hold a positive vision for the future in the face of constant negativity. Where does the strength come from? There must be an internal compass, a guidance system, that keeps us centered and focused. I believe it is faith. Faith in a power greater than ourselves.

I have been without a vision and did cast off all restraint, resulting in a pit of drugs, depression and despair. But at the end of my rope, when the blackness surrounded me and I realized I was absolutely powerless to sustain myself, I discovered there is a God who loves me and gave Himself for me. What an amazing love story. He pulled me out of the pit and set my feet on solid ground. If not for Him, I would be dead. Instead I'm alive and thriving. He's brought me through the valley of the shadow of death and has held open a door to my future. There's hope for me yet!

To the natural eye, there is much to be concerned about; but to the eye of faith, there is always possibility and potential ahead of us. I have been without a vision. I choose now to keep the faith.

Seasonal Changes

2008-10-31T18:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend we move back to standard time. I'm a sunshine person and the signal of the autumn and winter seasons approaching gives me pause. I don't like dark and cold. It's said the days are shorter ... but they still contain 24 hours. Carl Jung's quote that "there are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course" reminds me that it all balances out eventually. I have days of opportunity in front of me. Daylight is gone sooner, but I continue with the same number of hours available and I live in the electricity age, so while it's dark outside, inside glows with the warmth and light of modern conveniences.

Not liking something doesn't mean I can't value and learn from it. We will have days with more darkness than light, but the seasons swing back and the light returns. Now, as twilight's shadows cover the outdoors, I'm not going to allow the shadows to fall across my mind and stall my attempts at writing, creating and otherwise taking full advantage of the time available. If I understand that the early darkness can generate a "downer" mood, then I know I can choose my response to it.

Shadows fall across our lives in many ways. The shadows of loss, shadows of conflict, shadows of financial crisis all work to darken our view of life. We take on the negative messages and lose sight of the possibilities that are available. I spoke with someone in the banking industry and he recently changed jobs, but still in banking and with a significantly higher salary.

Possibilities exist! Can you see them? Don't let the shadows separate you from the light of your dreams. Keep walking and you will come through the valley of shadows and step out into the light of promise.

Birthday Markers

2008-08-23T10:49:00.001-07:00

I recently heard a new friend saying that she plans her birthday celebrations far in advance. I was impressed! I often try to ignore mine. We've been conditioned by our culture to avoid aging at all costs. No lines, no wrinkles ... no candles on the birthday cake. While I can appreciate youth's opportunities and the years that stretch before them, I have come to recognize the richness of my own experiences ... although I can feel umbrage rise up when I'm called old!

Our family recently celebrated several birthdays and only one was called significant. Hmm, I wonder that every birthday isn't to be honored as significant. My mother turned 82, quite a milestone. A niece celebrated her 38th, unique in its own way. (I remember my own 38th birthday and smile) However, her father turned the Big 6-O. Those decade markers have taken on a life of their own. The question comes to mind - does how we live the 1-9 years create a more significant zero year? I think so.

I have a birthday coming up. It's not significant as defined by a zero on the end, but it is becoming more significant to me as I understand the value of a life well lived. My husband shared the same birth month as mine. As I think of him, I'm reminded of the examples he set, the character that defined him, and the life lessons he taught me.

As I prepare to celebrate my birthday this year I, too, want to plan ahead. I want to be well thought of after I'm gone. My actions today are creating those memories ... as well as preparing for the next Big-O birthday! This year is a little 3, but it's significant and I plan to treat it with the respect, appreciation and celebration I deserve!

Birthday blessings to all ... whenever it may be.

Stones of Remembrance

2008-08-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Memorials leave, not just a trail of bread crumbs, but a significant representation of the way it was as we made our way through a particularly difficult season. I was encouraged early in my grief to look for memorial stones that would identify my crossing over, much as the Israelites did when they crossed over the Jordan into the Promised Land. When the suggestion was first made, I couldn't see beyond the immediate moment of pain, much less get a glimpse of any future. But the words I heard that day, when you cross over, dropped into my heart and a tiny seed of hope was planted. It was close to 18 months later before I was able to bring together those stones of remembrance; before I was able to see all that God had provided, just as He had for the Israelites in their wilderness.

There are many lessons in the wilderness ... wherever that wilderness may be. I have also discovered that once I crossed over out of the wilderness of grief, that I had landed in a brand new wilderness! It seems much of life is about the wilderness experience. Are you going through something right now? Begin to look for the provision. Begin to notice who encourages you. Begin to watch for unexpected coincidences. In the midst of things going wrong, what went right? As we begin to look with new eyes it's amazing what we see. And when something catches your eye, take note. These will become your stones of remembrance. When you are asked how you made it through that difficult time, you will be able to point to the stones and tell others how you were helped.

The first stones that I identified were family and friends. It always comes back to the special people in our lives who are there with us through thick and thin. There were many prayers said on my behalf and I believe those helped sustain me. My faith deepened during this season. Music lifted my spirits. My journals contain all I poured out - the pain, the anger, the fears, the anguish. I learned deeper lessons about the transitions in life and how they move us from where we are into the new places we're meant to be. I have 12 small painted stones as reminders of the way the Lord has brought me. I have a vision for the future and confidence that it will come to pass. Look how far I've come!

New Beginnings

2008-08-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've come a long way over the past two years and find myself now at the starting point of a new journey. I've crossed over the seemingly insurmountable chasm of grief. I lost my father on June 18, 2006 and two days later my husband died. The buffer of shock settled over my brain dousing me in a bath of chemicals that numbed me into a place of coping without feeling the full impact of life's new realities. Based on my belief in God, I saw His hand throughout the processes of both my dad's and my husband's passing, but it has taken a two year journey to come to the place of healed grief. God was calling them home, untying the threads that had been knit together when He made them, but now setting them free to return to their God and Maker. It is the process we will all make one day and I have two beautiful examples of God's gentle leading as the time of death approaches. But for those who remain there is a season of pain and grief.

I've traveled step by step, sometimes moment by moment, through the valley of the shadow of death. I have received many graces and recognize that "surely goodness and mercy have followed me" all these days. Now as I look forward to the new adventures, new acquaintances and new direction life has, I want to give others what I received - HOPE. It was hearing the words that I would cross over that first planted the seeds of hope in my heart. Wherever you are in your journey, please know that it is possible to cross over safely into the next season. For myself, I have chosen to begin again - to start living, start doing and, most importantly, start being. As the fog banks clear up, I want to learn new things. I want to write. My first steps are taking place right here as I use this blog to begin writing in a world outside my own private journals.

It is my hope that some of my experiences will encourage others to recognize the markers on their own life path. It is important to share the stories of transition and transformation as they happen during our own lifetime. Our lives are not meant to be lived in isolation. The lessons we learn have immeasurable value as we share them with others. To learn the lessons of others is great wisdom. May we learn together.

Marked by Inspiration

2008-07-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

Part of my inspiration for this blog comes from the writings of a young man a third my age, but seemingly with twice my wisdom. He does however solidly reflect the wisdom of his father, who's a dear friend. This young man wrote, "I want my writing to continue to be accessible to anyone who dares read it, and to touch on memories and emotions we've all felt, but just dismissed as too mundane to bother dwelling on or talking about."

His words stung my eyes on their way to my heart. How often do we think what we're feeling has little or no value to others? And yet isn't it in the sharing of our emotions that we step out from behind our masks to reveal our humanity? We have common experiences that lead to common feelings that when identified can bring that sense of connection we all long to feel. This "band of brothers" feeling is the bond that links us to one another and gives us a sense of community and belonging that meets one of our deepest needs. I'm not trying to wax philosophical or psychological, but rather to identify the reason for opening my own experiences up to a public forum.

It has been helpful to me in recent years to listen to the stories of those who have traversed the wilderness of grief. As I mentioned in my first post, our experiences become not only the markers in our own lives, but also the guideposts for others who hear our stories and learn our lessons. There is much in life that comes at us without warning or instruction. We are catapulted into the middle of events that quickly overtake our lives long before we feel prepared to handle them. Events such as illness, loss of job, aging parents, and even death. And beyond the catastrophes is the daily living which seems so mundane, but still may require solutions we feel unprepared to make. How do I respond to the 20 year old who still lives at home but wants to be out all night? I'm losing sleep here. Who gets to rule the roost at this stage? Is it even about "ruling the roost?"

As I search to find meaning and give voice to my experiences, I am open to the possibility that what comes back will continue opening my eyes to the world around me. And so it is that I'm setting out to share the memories and emotions I've felt, inspired by a young man I've not met but feel a strong connection with. I hope his words inspire you as well.

Beginning Markers

2008-07-24T21:08:00.001-07:00

Having come thus far in life and expecting to continue on for many more years, I've discovered it is good to pause periodically and take stock of where we've been, what we've learned and where we're heading. Looking back gives us opportunity to see patterns and routines that identify our default settings. Looking forward gives us focus and direction.

Learning to pause when the markers merit reflection helps us adjust to the changing landscape of our lives. The holes left in relationships by the passing of significant family members. The emptiness - and opportunities - when children leave the nest. The challenges of promotion, moving, downsizing. The excitement of engagement, the adjustment of marriage and possibly the pain of divorce. The ebb and flow of life swelled by the waves of change. How to make sense, how to make the transitions, how to mark the endings as well as anticipate the beginnings. These are the markers on our journey that remind us of what we've come through and leave memorials in place for those who follow. Please join me as we reflect on this journey called life.